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PrintsAs long as the marks last
I may be healing but your marks last
the feeling still echoes in my mind
having you linger there is its own bruise
that itches down my spine
that wraps around my lungs
memories that pulse with a life of their own
steps in another direction
only help, act as practice
if you don't believe them
then time can show you
yes or no
with maybe in the present intervals
Out of LineI don't know whether its old pain
and snapping out, for power or anguish
or mere frustration for wanting you to
just take care of yourself
not about being a perfect cover girl
the fake the perfectionist
I want you to sleep, eat, grieve
breathe, move, enjoy
and I know the load of So Not My Job
but this snapping
that is something I can address
you seem to have a good sense of yourself
a good sense of how to handle yourself
I know the underbelly makes handling the rest
that much more difficult
part of me wants to pretend I know enough
to be allowed to preach or argue on this
I never had this sense that I could
control, maintain, handle, anything myself
and if I hadn't just gained an intuitive sense
I could've hated and hated and hated
I got lucky in so many ways to keep that from happening
now I hate that you hate yourself
because I think you are wrong about yourself
I love the person you are
I'm not asking for icing
I get truly scared, confused, angry
because you don't and seem t
good conscioustake the time to learn
to think and differentiate
to pull out of this tailspin
of months and weeks of slow realizations
and indecision and not knowing needs
or wants or what was missing or assumed
some speed has already come
no longer gaining speed losing altitude
but still identifying danger and obscurity
before I'm ready for being someone
who could do small to big things like
say I love you again
or say I miss you
because all that would do is rub dirt in the wound
and bring no answers for all the pain
and now is not the time for answers just yet
But of course, tu me manques
Forget MathI thought mathematically
one emotion can block out another
you had one person to block out me
I thought gravity would be on my side
give me more weight
that no one else could figure into the equation
and then the last person
set me off
before I knew, I realized I wanted to balance one to one
just yours, just mine
now I need to balance myself out from the hole I made and the one you left
What Makes a Good Personnot in terms of pure or impure
not in terms of perfect or imperfect
but something in the way I am
makes people think I am one of the most
person they know
sometimes I am wise and sometimes I am immature
sometimes I am oblivious or overly focused
on one outcome or thought or understanding
I have good intentions and look out for people
as a general principle
but lately I fear I have begun to slip
and become ordinary, because I can't just
always look out for other people
and that doesn't bother people
but it bothers me
however, I have to remember there are other factors
now I have something I need to deal with
or I will mar my present and future, possibly past
any recognition, any possibility of functioning
as a human being
and that is worth more, being a human for myself and others
than taking care of others or worrying too much
about what I should do
I wonder if this realization makes me more human
or simply more aware
I do not know
I am not giving up good intentions, but my fo
Confusionconfusion is one of those things
that comes from having a dirty filter
the mind has so many things to sort through
emotions, thoughts, wonderings, perspectives
mind altering manifestos, values, secrets
that when the natural organization
of the mind, somewhat like a tea filter
gets overwhelmed and bits of everything
get every which where
and some thoughts that should never
combine, compare, connect
somehow end up swirling around in your brain
and as the organization of the mind tries
to reorganize, separate ideas and wants
and nightmares back to where they were
the mind finds itself lost in its own system
unsure if the teapot used to sit on that shelf
or if the filter used to look so dark
and either some new system comes along or
we are left in the dark as to what to do
Scarsevery summer I would count my cuts and bruises and bites
see if any would unfurl into scars
every night I'd explore my constellation of stories
some of which I never knew
a nick from a blackberry, a hurried greeting to a table leg
blooming into a purple or iron mark
later fading or whitening into teeth on my skin
for all the things I did
I only have a few of these marks
waves of puberty breaking over thighs and hips
apparently growing gives stretch marks
scratches that seemed like they would fade
as their stories and memories did
from the crooks of my arms
a few pink flags from a knife
I only kept a few of these, my body knowing
which stories to keep, which to fade
the best example is the remains of my largest scar
three long streaks of Ionan barbed wire
thick white vines from a vault over a fence
one of which is the surviving scar
to keep me company when I miss the old island
the pink flags were little reminder notes
that yes I did this
where I had wished the black ink tightening my c
To be contentTo be full
To have an emptiness, a hunger
That can be filled
Sated and calm, blur edges
Perhaps to let go
Of tears and fears and woes
Or just to remember those close moments
Before getting too close
To feeling empty again
And want for nothing more than hunger
That can be sated and sent away
Why do You Stare?Poking peeping pressing eyes watching
As I pull at my skirt and wish the wind would die
(after wishing I could fly and soar seconds before)
I wish my tote bag toto would become fierce and horrible
And scare off all these eyes staring
At something I do not understand
I do not know why they look at me
So many many eyes
Is it my simplicity
Is it beauty or wildness
Is it my confidence
Is it my wariness and alert body
What could you be staring at?
I wish you wouldn’t
I already feel like an outsider
Like an alien or creature borne of nuclear waste
I am allowed
I have the right to feel comfortable in my skin
To feel beautiful
So why do you stare
Like I am all my worse fears?
Why can’t you talk to me
Feel at ease?
If I am all these good things
By this society and possibly many societies
Why do you stare at me?
You don’t even know the things that make me impressive
Or scary or pathetic or interesting
So what do you see?
fbi agents plot terrorism bustsA new report has revealed a disturbing set of tactics used in the pursuit of domestic terrorism in the USA. Among the findings was the fact that the FBI directly and repeatedly involves itself in planning a large percentage of foiled terror plots — often by convincing impressionable or mentally disabled people to join FBI plots, then arresting them.
Human Rights Watch published the 214-page report, titled “Illusion of Justice: Human Rights Abuses in US Terrorism Prosecutions.” It documents a number of cases which the group describes as being marred by overly-aggressive prosecution, entrapment, and draconian treatment of prisoners.
“Americans have been told that their government is keeping them safe by preventing and prosecuting terrorism inside the U.S.,” said Andrea Prasow, deputy Washington director at Human Rights Watch and co-author of the report. “But take a closer look, and you realize that many of these people would never have committed a crim
You'd be surprised
The nicks and crannies of your mind
The darkened places that you hide
The shattered pieces deep inside
So very distant from the light
Can be revived
When you begin again
Eyes bright and new
Cleanse the lies
until there's only truth
Surrender to the servitude
That sets us free, eternally
As the many arise from the few
So we can go back to the beginning
and finally start living
Clearwater FarewellAwaiting flight
with a storm
to see us off.
time well spent
with loved ones
usually far away.
Hugs and kisses
wonderful well wishes.
of white sand
such clear blue.
I will miss.
safe and sound.
Finally to be home
in my own room
and my own bed.
in the future.
One day to return
to this shore
gladly thought of.
Inspiration BeachThe sand
beneath my feet.
A warm breeze
A peaceful morning
without a care.
looking forward to striding
through the soft
caress of the waves.
Blue skies and
The call of a bird
from a tree.
How peaceful it is
in the sun and sand.
my imagination soar.
to spare You.I see you walk down that familiar street.
I pass right alongside you, but no greetings are exchanged.
No eye contact is made.
I realize that the conversations are always so one-sided now.
So, I dont say 'hello' to you anymore.
To spare you of having to say 'goodbye' to me ever again.
The last moments we had shared, were more than either of us could bare.
Though we both hated to admit the inevitable, we could not stop what must be.
And so, now I spare you the grief of having to say 'goodbye' to me.
I realize now, that there is no need for me Being here anymore.
I ache and long for your touch just once more but, patience is a burden I must bare.
A burden I hope I may carry for a little while longer. For us to meet again so soon would be unfair.
I see you from time to time. I see you sinking in the memory.
It is times like this when I wish I could comfort you.
I wish that the wind would brush softly against your skin to dry your tears for me.
I wish the gray skies to part for the sun to s
I miss youIf I were to leave you,
You'd soon realise that,
No matter how long,
I'll be back just like that,
You know I won't leave you,
I'll always come back,
Whether during the day,
Or night time's black,
There are times,
where I bid farewell for a while,
So I promise you that,
I'll return with a smile,
A smile that we,
Us two, can share,
As a gift from me,
After being stuck over there,
A place which lacks
a person who,
I need and love,
that place lacks you,
And while I'm away,
I'll yell your name here,
Waiting for a response,
to echo in my ear.
I miss you...
Maybe I don't deserve itI can't make you love me like I want you to.
I can't make you feel butterflies in your stomach like you once did.
I'll never be able to tame your wild heart.
I'll never be able to make up for my mistakes.
I won't be able to mend the brokenness you have.
I won't be able to kiss your scars and make you smile.
But I did.
There was a time
When we were younger
When I was the light
The one who saved you
Maybe that has changed now.
Maybe I made you this way.
It was my fault to begin with.
I made a mistake
And then drove you away.
And how I wish I could go back
And somehow say the things I should've
But seeing you this way
It's killing me
And I want so badly to help
But I'm still fumbling with the broken glass heart of mine on the ground
If I stop to fix yours
Who fixes mine?
I wish you could comprehend just how much I love you.
Love isn't even capable of conveying how much I care.
Even with broken pieces lying in the rain and mud.
I wonder what it would be like to love you
The Silent Rant
This is how I feel
What you're expecting of me
Is more than I can be
I'm not your puppet
And I'm sick of being nothing
If you would listen
Let the stars glisten
Like they're meant to
You'd see that your life
is not all about you.
You see it's selflessness
that gets you standing tall
And it's selfishness
that eventually lets you fall
to the bottom
the only place where
you start to look up.
whole holesLet's dance baby
Your little hands, your little shape
So beautiful, so wonderful
Eyes so wrong, but beautiful
I can't trade them with mine
Because then you'd see me
With my eyes and not understand
While I see you and not understand
Why? What happened? Who did this?
So perfect for me, you are mine
I am yours, perfect halves
You're shy when we dance
You watch my face, then away
In case you did something wrong
In case I see something that hurts
In case you aren't perfect to me
You watch the pattern with music,
Feet, body, hands, rhythm
You relax in, and it's like a whole
A hole in my heart fills the hole in yours
I wish you saw the way I do
There is nothing wrong with you
There is no perfection to everyone
Just to two people that fit perfectly
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More